Relationship: Feeling unloved

Perhaps one of the most difficult times in life is when you don't feel loved. You may have a good job, a comfortable place to live and even a social life, but all of this may not replace the desire for a deep heart connection. The knowledge of that missing piece can be depressing and sometimes debilitating.

I know a number of people who are alone and not liking it, but for them it seems a better alternative than dating. I get it. But, on the other hand, the man or woman of your dreams is not going to come knocking on your door. You have to circulate and create a social life in order to find a mate.

Dating, relating and mating can be an arduous process. On the upside, we have technology: tons of Internet dating sites and chat rooms. Couples have even met and married on SecondLife. On the downside, we have more troubled people with more access to us. Technology can go both ways, so be careful about giving out personal information.

Going to parties or throwing a party yourself can work really well if you add a twist to it. For example, you can invite your friends (couples and singles) and tell each of them that they have to bring another single person. You may end up a matchmaker or finding a match for yourself.

If you have the lonelies so much that it hurts to wake up and you can't really participate fully in your day, you may need a buddy to help you get circulating again. The concept of having a wingman is making a comeback. This is where you go out with a friend and have him or her get to know other people, along with you. This can be especially helpful if you're going to a party where you don't know anyone. Most of us are more comfortable talking with a couple of strangers rather than just one who may be trying to pick us up. Also, your friend might see things (good and bad) that you don't. It makes going out safer and easier for everyone.

Sometimes depression and anxiety can keep you isolated. You may be lonely, but it feels safer at home rather than setting yourself up for rejection, right? Staying home and watching old movies may be preferable to being with someone who isn't right for you, but you will eventually have to get out there if you hope to find a partner.

It's up to you. The party season is upon us, most single people want to be in loving relationships and you have a lot more going for you than you probably know. Try it. Even though the waters can be a little rough at first, you'll be surprised to see how calm they can become when another is holding your hand.

(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author, most recently, of "100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence -- Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too." Contact him at barton (at) bartongoldsmith.com.)

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